Landing copy — Daniel's draft, with the panel's notes

🎯Conversion: a hero has one job: say what it IS in a few seconds. “Mindful Warrior” is a slogan, not a value proposition. Nielsen Norman's eye-tracking work shows people scan the top and leave if the value isn't obvious fast. Add the plain "what it is" line and the three pillars right under it.

🗣Brand voice: language is a filter — it quietly decides who thinks “this is for me.” “Warrior / command / conquer” selects for one kind of reader (combative, competitive) and selects against the calmer, philosophy-drawn people you said you want, including many women. “A strong body. A steady mind.” keeps the strength while letting far more of the right people see themselves in it.

🧠Behavioural science: this is the most persuasive thing on the page. A reader who has felt any version of this — lost structure, low patch, climbing back through training — sees themselves in it. That recognition is what builds trust and belonging; a feature list can't do it. Keep every word.

🔎Auditor: one addition, not a change — a short support line under it (Samaritans 116 123, Combat Stress 0800 138 1619). Given the subject, it's the right duty of care and it costs nothing. (Already added on the live version.)

🧠Behavioural science: this is the one I'd push hardest on. External scoreboards can crowd out the internal motivation that keeps disciplined people showing up — the well-documented "overjustification effect" (Deci & Ryan, self-determination theory). Your audience already trains for its own reasons; bolting points and ranks onto that can quietly push away the exact people you most want to keep, and hurt retention. It also works against your own line: "the app celebrates showing up, not the number."

🔎Auditor: also — it's a screenshot of a feature that doesn't exist yet. Showing a fake "1,480 / Centurio" pre-launch is a promise you haven't built. If it looks different at launch, early believers notice. Safer to describe the principle than mock a UI.

🎯Conversion: the offer is great — scarcity + a locked founder price is textbook (Cialdini: scarcity & reciprocity). The problem is the packaging. "Cohors Prima" makes the reader stop and decode Latin before they get the deal. Every second of "what does that mean?" is friction. "Founding member" is understood instantly and does the same psychological work.

🗣Brand voice: a founding tier should create belonging — the feeling of being early and on the inside. "Founding member" delivers that instantly. A Latin legion rank puts a small puzzle between the reader and that feeling. Keep the Roman roots where they're genuine (Soma + Stoa, the maxim) and let the offer itself carry the status.

🗣Brand voice: same combative-verb issue as the hero, and it's your sign-off — the last thing they read. The Latin maxim ("a sound mind in a sound body") is the genuine 2,000-year-old root of the whole idea. It's more resonant, and it lets the brand own the classical world it's rooted in rather than reach for its surface.